At the End of the Day, Coming Up Empty

I mentioned to a co-worker and friend a few days ago that this blog is where I come to talk to myself. When my brain churns a million times a minute in a million different directions, this is where I come. So, here I am.

"At the End of the Day" is a fairly popular and frequently used phrase. I have heard it used by politicians, television and radio hosts, and the President himself. In a restaurant yesterday, I heard a lady one table over, in her strongest voice, use it at least 20 times; she was doing her best to entertain us all.

For some reason, I cringe when I hear this phrase. To me, it makes our time sound presumptuous and in a way, trivial and empty. A softer, more respectful choice of words, may be "by the day's end", giving a feeling of having, at least, been there as the time ticked away.

But, how is time spent? Yesterday, while in our front yard, I saw a man, woman, and their dog walk by. The dog was doing what dogs usually do when unleashed and running loose, everything had to be sniffed at least five times. In spite of  the bright glare from the sun, the man was squinting into his "Smart Phone" screen, texting, emailing, tweeting, facebooking, or something. The woman was staring into the sky, and sometimes minding the dog. (...I know I am making some assumptions here, no doubt, but please bear with me...) In any case, the man was "in-touch" with someone somewhere else, more than likely reveling in how much fun was being had in his real place with his friend and dog. Never mind that his friend and dog were having a pretty good time without him. But, there he was, making up stories, and after a while, probably believing them himself.

As you might be able to tell, I am not a big fan of the more popular social media sites. Mainly, because I just don't understand them. "Friends", "Friends-of-friends", "Close Friends", "Family", "Public", I mean it really confuses me after a while. How do you keep them separated? There must be a way, because millions of people like it, and have hundreds of "friends" and then exponentially thousands of "friends-of-friends", not to mention "family" and those others tossed into the "Public" digital dustbin.

But, there are only 1,440 minutes in a day. If one has so many "friends" and then "friends-of-friends", and you are constantly tweeting, facebooking, and otherwise becoming their digital reality, then how is one to become real friends with anyone? By the day's end, is there true comfort in the number of "friends";  or a constant turmoil in the brain, along with an empty feeling, yet to be recognized?

Wendell Berry, an author-farmer from Kentucky, wrote a book of essays entitled "What are People Far?" In one of his essays, he simply states that he would not buy a computer because having one would not help him write better...maybe write more, but not write better.

So, by becoming addicted to social media, using this same logic, one can have more "friends", but not necessarily better friends. I opt for better friends. For, now, I am going to stay away from the tweets and facebook. And, by the day's end,  have less chance of coming up empty.

Tender

 (ten·der, adj  \ˈten-dər\. Definitions include delicate, succulent, easily chewed)  But, first, let's back up a little. I have a hard time keeping up with all the changes in daily living. I don't listen to satellite radio or watch "30-Rock". I don't use "Blue Tooth", or have a Facebook account. I don't have a "4-wheeler" or a "Rolex" watch. And, I don't read "USA Today", even though the weather map is in color. So, it comes to no surprise when I eventually see something I didn't see coming.

For example, going to the supermarket makes me nervous. It can be overwhelming. There are hundreds of cereals, candies, juices, Gold Fish etc. But, Saturday, I saw a "new" supermarket item where I had to ask myself, why is this happening, where did this come from?

We now have a new variety of popcorn. We now have "Tender" popcorn; the type that is delicate and easily chewed. It hurts me to think that all these years I have been eating "un-tender" popcorn. How can that be? But, wait, now that I think about it, when I was a kid, we did have "tender" popcorn once ot twice. It was left overnight in an open bowl, and survived the dog. The texture was a little less "un-tender".

I would give anything to have been a fly-on-the-wall during the company meetings when the decision was made to market "Tender" as a variety.

The discussion could have gone like this:

CEO: "I hear we have a new variety of popcorn called "Tender". Do we see any increase in costs when we roll out?

Chief Marketing Officer (CMO): "No, only a slight increase in storage, our inventory hold-time will increase by one day, but this will be off-set by the new variety that will give us an immediate edge over the competition."

CEO: "What do you mean by "slight increase in storage"?

CMO: "The last station in production will be a new and patentable process called "Green Aire" whereby we just leave the popcorn exposed overnight before bagging. It then becomes more "tender" without any additional increase in costs. And, the sales are forecast to skyrocket!"

CEO: "Brilliant. Let's get a TV spot and tell the world about our new "Tender" popcorn. We can even sell "Green Aire" re-usable bags as an accessory.

For me, I just can't wait. At my next movie, I am going to ask the popcorn stand server for "Tender" Popcorn; with a few grains of salt, and 1.2 oz of butter, and of course served in the bag with a "Green Aire" logo. It will bring back memories of my days when the popcorn was left out, and survived the dog.

PS: (Maybe it didn't "survive" the dog, maybe that's why it was sooo "tender").

 

Divorce Cake

(I think I've gone off my rocker...)

But I was thinking...

those companies in the Wedding Reception market are missing out on a serious business opportunity. Think about it, why not offer Divorce Parties, let's refer to them as Divorce Deceptions. At one time, we had a Wedding Reception, now, at this stage, only fitting to call it a Divorce Deception, don't you think? These could be a family and friend "affair" to honor the attempt, the "best shot", so to speak of trying to make a sacred tradition work.

Imagine the possibilities. There could be a Deception Line, you and your former could stand back-to-back, and grab and greet to your hearts' desire. You could also get some serious hugging in. Your lawyers could also be there, and remind you of your need to remain silent as the big questions linger, and the why's are whispered through out the mingle. If you desire, your religious representative (Pastor, Bishop, Priest, Imam, etc) could also be there, and may even preside over the proceedings. No need to leave them out at a time like this.

For entertainment, we could smash two Pintas, one for each. Inside could be a some of your "junk drawer" collection, bill receipts, or what's in the shoe box under your bed. Plus, for more fun, we could hear recordings of the yelling and screaming between the two of you, set to music. (It would probably sound familiar to everyone, it's all been heard before, believe me--sort of like a top-ten hit from the back of everyone's mind)

For refreshments, I see a little BitterRoot Tea, or Love Potion #9, and the cake, let's not forget the cake. Instead of one large sheet cake, it could be split down the middle, forming two smaller ones each with icing the color of Weeping Willow bark. Served while listening to the song "You've Made Me So Very Happy" by the group Blood, Sweat and Tears. Enjoy.

New "Lip Plumping" Technology

I saw this ad in an airplane shopper magazine. Think it would go over as a Christmas gift?

How long is your extender?

There have been several Internet news articles recently about a United Airlines policy that would require some obese passengers to pay for two seats. (Since one-third of Americans are considered medically obese, this could help the airlines economic situation.) United Airlines is, according to the articles, the fifth such airline to enact such a policy. (I wonder why we never heard about the first four)

Not wanting to sound mean or offensive, but really, something has to be done. Think about it, just because there are airplanes, doesn't mean that everyone fits into one, and for that matter be allowed to be a passenger. There are, after all, real physical limits.

But, the criteria and procedure for requiring a passenger to purchase two seats needs to be thought about at least a nano-second. From what I can gather, here will be the procedure.

1. The passenger boards the plane, and if it's observed by the flight attendant that the said passenger cannot either 1) buckle in with one extender belt or lower the arm rest, then it is time to go to step 2.

2. If an empty seat is available on the same airplane, then allow the passenger to move so that they spill over into the empty seat, harming no one else. If this is not the case, then go to step 3.

3. Allow the passenger to purchase a "Business Class" or "First Class" seat. (they are usually bigger). (man, I'd really enjoy adding a few extra comments here, but that would only confuse this issue) If this "Business Class/First Class" option doesn't work, then go to step 4.

4. Require that the passenger leave the plane and catch a later flight after purchasing tickets for two seats. (airport police would be called to escort the money-strapped, irate passenger from the plane, then the checked bags would have to be removed). Problem solved, right? Not hardly.

Here is what I see happening.

Passenger: "Well, the extender belt on "such and such airlines" worked just fine, it must be the extender belt, I'm not going any where until you get me the standard extender belt."

So, that raises an interesting thought. Just what is the length of a "standard extender belt". Well, ask eBay. Several are offered that measure twenty-four inches. You can actually buy your own.
So, in some government database somewhere, there will be a definition regarding the "standard extender belt size." (If there isn't already)

What will happen in these situations? People will get a custom-made extender belt (a cloned standard look-alike), with a full thirty extra inches, and when the flight attendant questions them about the size of their extender belt, the case will go straight to the Supreme Court, and we would be mired down in court costs and delays for who knows how long.

This will happen, there is no doubt in my military mind.

So, there has to be a better way. (this is where I get mean)

All airlines have a "luggage-sizer" thing where you place your carry-on in the compartment, and if it fits, then wah-la, you are good to go. Imagine a "Girth Sizer Unit" (GSU) whereby the suspect passenger sits in a mock economy-sized seat and has to strap in with a "standard-sized seat belt extender", or purchase two seats while at the counter. Would there be a line? Probably.

One has to chuckle at the situation we have gotten ourselves into. How in the world did this become a problem? As thinking Americans, something hasn't been clicking for a while. And please, don't claim it is a DNA issue, or it is something we just couldn't help.

A side note: On the Lewis and Clark Expedition, I don't think any of the participating soldiers were turned away because they wouldn't fit in a canoe. They were turned away because they couldn't shoot or track or hunt, but not because they wouldn't fit inside the means of travel.

So, how long is your extender?

PS: Here is one article..
http://money.cnn.com/2009/04/15/news/companies/united_airlines_obese.reut/index.htm?section=money_latest

One black coffee with NO sugar, please.

Good night.

Are you glued to your "Gadget"?

Nice catchy title don't you think? Ramble, ramble, but it does relate to what follows...

USA Today had an article today entitled "Relationships in a twist over Twitter"; "Glued to your gadget? You may be losing human link." (The daily newspaper has been reading this blog, because I noticed that phenomena a few months ago, but I don't have followers in the millions, yet)

The article goes on to quote a lady who is a proclaimed expert on the "over-stressed" and "over-connected". Now, there's a job for you. I am not sure the econ-oh-me is as bad as we are led to believe if there are "Connectivity experts" who can offer advice and get paid for it. But, she goes on to quote Thich Nhat Hanh, a Zen Buddhist master and poet--"The most precious gift we can offer others is our presence." Maybe, maybe not. I've met some people I'd rather not be "present with". But, that is another digital story.

In any case, we have done it to ourselves. If you are "too-connected", then fix it. Turn off the silly pod, and yawn with the rest of us.


PS I'm currently working on my Doctorate in Sarcasm and Cynicism from U-Nameit-U (U in U)

I think something is wrong with my TV

(thanks to my two or three followers for hanging in there with me) But, I really do think something is wrong with my TV. Almost everything has a green tinge to it. On TV, people are wearing green shirts, green hats, cars are green, oil has a greenish look, water, too. The next time you see a car commercial on TV (Saturn is a good example) notice how much green you see. Even the logo for General Electric is now green. (was black at one time, I thought)

Once upon a time in a land far away, green was just one of many colors. Growing up, the only thing I really remember being green on TV besides the grass and trees was a 7-Up bottle, then along came Sprite, and then the symbol for decaffeinated coffee and onward we march, thinking if we make it look green, it probably will be "Green".

Contribute to my "Green" fund at InventGreenFuel.com. I'll invest it wisely for you, trust me.
(no, just kidding)

If coffee turns green, I'm quitting.

Good night to my two followers.

The Power of Three

Three is a significant number when it comes to power and balance. Think about the "Three Wise Men", the "Holy Trinity", or the significance of the the Judicial, Executive and Legislative branches of the US Government, not to mention the strength of the three-sided triangle. But, in today's world, I am thinking of the strength of these three words: "Collect all Three". Mac D's, BK's and Carl J's have all come up with a seemingly unlimited number of plastic "collectibles" that keep the young one's and, in turn their parents coming back for more. Thirty years ago, I'd never thought any one could come up with so many "collectibles". But never under estimate the power of three. Marketing hasn't.

"Smart and Wealthy" and the Econ-oh-me

At 6:00 AM this morning CNN had another of the Bernie Madoff "smart and wealthy" victims on the TV crying that they had lost some of their millions of dollars. This particular fiftyish couple (from the North East part of the country) were now having to live out of their RV in Arizona, something they had planned to do after their retirement. Now they campout for real, on a daily basis.

Guess what they wanted out of all the mess? They wanted their money back! hahahahaha Good one. (Day-time dreamers, and some drugs in the 70's probably caused that thought)

Then I got to thinking what caused all of this. It is the "econ-oh-me". Oh-me, oh-my, it's all about me. The econ-oh-me is in such a shambles that I can't keep my millions and sit on my a.. for the rest of my life.

Oh, the econ-oh-me. What a shame that I was such a "smart and wealthy" human, blessed with a spirit to live, and blessed with "squatters rights" on a planet in a universe that is so huge we can't measure it.

To the victims: get over it, get over the econ-oh-me, look at yourself, plant a new reason to live, and stop whining. Believe it or not, it's not about you, oh-me, oh-my.

Smart and Wealthy

(I have to confess, I don't really appreciate what's referred to as "Talking Heads", just thought I'd get that out up front) But, they are everywhere on TV. This morning, I heard the "Talking Heads" on a TV program (take your pick - CNN, CNCB, ABC, whatever) who said that those who had invested money with Mr Bernie Madoff were "smart and wealthy" people, who, as it turns out, lost 64 billion dollars investing with him. Wealthy, obviously; smart, not hardly; greedy, probably.
Did the "unsmart textile worker", or the "unsmart school teacher", or the "unsmart truck driver" lose money with Mr Madoff? Odds are, NOT!
The people who lost money took their chances, and deserve the returns, be it positive or negative.
Thanks for looking.

Laptop Magazine

While in the Salt Lake City Airport today, I was pretending to be book shopping, and I noticed a headline on the cover of "Laptop" magazine (Mar 2009) that read: "Is tech tearing your family apart?" The essence of the article is just as my blog entries hinted at a month or so back (American Family of the Future, and Community in a Paragraph or Two), ie connected with humans, but NOT really connected. I promise I did not know they were coming out with this article. It is good to be validated by "Laptop" Magazine. (actually I'd never heard of "Laptop" magazine before today).

have a good week.

Memory Foam

A few days ago, my wife and I bought a mattress cover made of "memory foam". You press on the foam and it keeps the shape for a time. Paid about $150 dollars for the thing. That night we plopped it on the bed and gave it a test sleep. I finally dozed off at 6AM after tossing and turning most of the night. If it hadn't been for my wife waking me at 8AM, I'd missed my work appointment.

"How was your sleep?", I asked my wife.
"Oh, I slept good. How about you?, she replied.
(I didn't have the heart to say I'd only slept for 2 hours, so I just agreed-- maybe I'll get used to it)

But, then I got to thinking about "memory foam". I guess you could say the brain is a blob of "memory foam". You press it and it retains it's habits, I mean shape for a while. My daughter-in-law says their "memory foam" mattress cover has lost's it's original shape, and is stuck in a depression, towards the center of the bed. So, if we keep pressing on the same spots in our brain, we, too, could get into a depression. Old habits die hard, we've heard.

Maybe I'll press a few different brain spots, just enough to keep the "Memory foam" alive and well.
Enjoy your Sunday.

Yes, every day is Valentine's Day and ......

My thoughts seem to go haywire while flying. Must be the altitude and the energy drinks Southwest now serves. Anyway, my daughter asked me if the post "See! Red...." meant that every day was Valentine's Day. Of, course every day is Valentine's day. It's just that Hallmark doesn't tell us so.

But, I got to thinking. Maybe it would be more realistic to say that every day life fits a range---say from Valentine's Day to Halloween. You have have a hug one minute and get the "you-know-what" scared out of you the next. Or, the hug itself could be scary. The possibilities are endless.

Many places and people have Valentine's Day themes, but really, if you look behind the scenes, it's all Halloween.


That's why I now sleep with one eye open.


PS: Euromoka, a coffee kiosk at Kaiser Permanente Hospital in Los Angeles serves a mean "Red-Eye" coffee. Try it, if you are there. Cheers.

American Number System

It seems that numbers have come to mean a lot to most Americans. We evaluate ourselves and the quality of our lives with various numbers. Television and the internet pound it into us. Here are some examples:


1. Finance: What is your "credit score"?

2. Health: What is your "good" cholesterol number?

3. Health: What is your "bad" cholesterol number?

4. Happiness: What is your "sleep number"?

5. Business: What is your NPS (Net Promotor Score)?

6. Health and Happiness: How many calories is in that piece of chocolate cake? (worry, worry)

7. Happiness: How many milligrams of caffeine are in that super-charged, energy-zonking drink? (can I have two?)

8. Health: What is your "blood pressure"?

In response to question 8 (note the reference to the number), a lot higher that it should be after considering all these numbers.

Even a trip to the doctor today requires that you describe your pain with a number. As the medical technician asks you, "What is your level of pain on a scale of 1 to 10?" (Oh heck, I am a 10 today, that sleep number bed with a sleep number of 40 is killing my back.)

Let's go back a few years and imagine a time when you you either felt good or you didn't; you either paid your bills or you didn't, or you either slept good or you didn't. Too simple? Maybe not, for I think this number thing has gotten out of control.

Airport Etiquette

I learn something every time I set foot in an airport. Today, at the Salt Lake City and Las Vegas Airports, I learned the following bits of etiquette:

1. Take a seat, and then place each of your carry-on bags in their on seat. Wouldn't want the carry-on luggage to sit on the floor, now would we. Besides, the older ladies don't mind standing.

2. Take a seat, and place your feet/shoes on the seat next to you. Got to spread that bathroom "skunge" around. Now, what is that on the seat of your pants, again?


3. Spread out, sleep in 5 seats. (Get my point?)

4. Eat a cheeseburger, drop the ketchup on the floor, and then smash it with your foot, to make it invisible in the carpet. Maybe you and the dude who puts his feet in seats, should get together. Then we will know what is on the seat of your pants.


Happy travels.

See! Red..........

I have to be honest, Valentine's Day ("V" day) is not my favorite holiday. But, I'm not what you would call "romantic" either. Guess that explains some of it.

My son and I went into a fast food restaurant on "V" day, to grab something "to go". This restaurant was all over the "V". The booth seats and counters were red. They even put out "Red and White" salt and pepper shakers. Man, they sure are getting the place for that "romantic" burger.

Roll forward one day. I went back. Wait, the salt and pepper shakers are still red and white. And, the booth seats are still red. How can that be?

On the "V" day, look for red, and find it. On the "V" day, look for the sparkle from the someone special and find it.

But, what about the day after? Well, it will just have to wait until next year.

Community - in a paragraph or two

I am only good for a paragraph or two. After that, I ramble. So, I hope I can make a point in a "paragraph or two".

(Definition of community: Human communities hinge on a degree of cohesiveness. Being part of a group, and feeling connected)

I believe that technology is advancing to the point whereby we are losing our sense of "community". We are losing courtesy, our ability to share feelings, and ideas. We are becoming distant and un-feeling. Airports are a good example. (flight attendants could probably verify what I am saying)

Example: In an airport today, I made the mistake of thinking someone was talking to me. He was looking right into my eyes, and speaking at me. I even said, "Excuse me, what did you say?" But, actually, he was talking to someone, hundreds, maybe thousands of miles away, through a device in his ear, commonly referred to as a "blue tooth device".

Years ago, there was a sense of common purpose between people. People in airports shared a "common experience". There were people talking to people, and maybe a book thrown in for good measure. Today, there is no "common experience". We all have our "blue tooth device" and "individual experiences". Consequently, we tend to tolerate each other less.

Before I've exceeded my paragraph limit, let's think about how the devices we use, make us feel like we need no one, only ourselves-who are less connected than we can imagine.

Born on......Best before.....

One thing about travelling alone, you can talk to yourself a lot. Today I had a conversation with myself about the "Born on" dates seen on food products and drinks, including beer. In addition to the "Born" date, some products even have a "Best before" date, for a guage of freshness, I guess.

I had a dentist tell me once that I'd never again have the gums of an 18 year old. (and are you going to charge me for that explanation?) So, in this case, the "Best before" date is, well: 18 years old.

If you listen to or read the Holly-Drama, the "Best Before" dates can really be slippery. Best before: Too Old, is probably in the ball park. But, even that changes depending on how much botox, and other facial stretchings have been done.

For me, I think I'll keep it simple. How about Born on: Today, and Best Before: Tomorrow. Living one day at a time, just one day at a time.

Time for another freshly-brewed cup.

Loyalty Cards

I must have a dozen or so "Loyalty Cards" in my wallet. You know what I mean--those cards that award points/miles for frequent visits, purchases, flights, meals, etc. Wow, I have "Platinum" status with this airline, "Diamond" status with a hotel chain, "Gold" with yet another one, and working on "Silver" for a new chain. My wallet is nothing but a huge bulge. (also, I am convinced these programs do a lot keep the Post Office in business, just judging by the mail and offers I get)

Anyway, I feel really privileged that these cards allow me to have all the status. A free bottle of water really comes in handy the first night in a hotel. Not to mention, those free peanut butter crackers. Mmm, man, life's good!

But, how much loyalty can you give? I mean, if all of your loyalty goes into one "pot", doesn't that mean the other "pots" get less loyalty. Thus "Diamond" status in one, but only "Silver" in another. Something or someone comes up short.

What if we were all issued a "Loyalty Card" when we were born. That way, as we go through life, we'd get points for working, visiting friends, being with family, shopping--all of life would be validated with "Loyalty Cards". That way, when your wife says to you "You're working too much, and not spending enough time with me", all you'd have to do is look at your point balance, and either confirm it, or otherwise. It would make the argument a lot less, well, subjective; if you know what I mean.

As for me, I think my point balance is way-out-of-whack. My work "Loyalty Card" is "Diamond", no doubt about it. For the rest of my time, I'd be stretching it to have a "Bronze" status anywhere else. As I approach age 60, it's time to reverse that.

What about your "Loyalty Card" situation? Are those points worth it?

Time for a third cup. Good night!

Chicken Joints

I took a philosophy course years ago, so I could beome "smart". The one thing I remember about the course was when the professor said a purpose of philosophy was to allow you to "divide life by the joints"-- separate life's pieces and then put them back together again, so to understand. His example was the joints of a chicken. A drumstick, thigh, wing, breast, and so on. They are all identifable, basically the same, right? I mean, a thigh doesn't become a breast, or a wing become a neck, does it? This is just something you can count on.

Now, let's rotate the planet 180 degrees, and plant you or me in Asia. Aah, now something is different here. One thing you notice is there are no-- absolutely zero "chicken joints". They just "chop-chop" the chicken, until you have no idea which "piece" is which. If you are looking for a "drumstick", you're out of luck. How in the world can this be? How do they live? Is life divided by the joints in Asia?

I guess one could say, in Asia, it's all good. We, in the West, miss something by limiting ourselves to just "drumsticks", "thighs", "wings", and so on.

Latte time!